For most, Mother’s Day is a joyous occasion. But for those who have lost a mother, and even for mothers who have lost a child, the day can be a painful reminder of the great loss they have suffered.
For those looking for solace on an otherwise tough day, here are some words from people who’ve been through it before, to hopefully help you navigate the rocky waters ahead.
Roz Janway, a mother who lost her 31-year-old daughter to common variable immune deficiency in 2009 told the New Star:“
Some years, all we can do is get through the day. Many will put on their mask and fake it. Others will go out of town and try to escape. Many will totally ignore the day. And some mothers will choose to stay in bed for the day.”
Blogger Jenna Rose Lowthert wrote in forevermom.com about how she deals with the agony of mother’s day:
Today sucks, I know. It’s going to be hard. But so is every other day since you have lost your mother. There is absolutely no love in this world like the love of a mother. There is a void that cannot and will not ever be filled, no matter what anybody tells you. You don’t miss her today any more than you will tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that. Today, Mother’s Day, is just another painful reminder that she is no longer physically here. As you watch friends celebrate with their moms, please remember that yours is tucked away deep down in your heart where she will forever stay. As the wind blows through your hair, know that it is her gentle and loving touch. As the warmth of the sun shines on your face please remember the warmth in your mother’s heart through all of the days she had on this earth. She didn’t want to ever leave you and she still hasn’t left you. Your mother was greater than this world. I know sometimes life just doesn’t seem fair and it never will but please, please don’t cry today, for your mother would want nothing more than to see you smile.
Clara, another blogger said, she just plans to see and process how she feels on Mother’s Day instead of planning anything out.
I do know one thing, though. On Mother’s Day I will feel pain as I haven’t felt in a long time. I love being a mother, and since my oldest son is gone, I don’t feel complete. I’ll never feel complete. I want to feel the pain. I need to feel the pain. Others don’t understand, but I do. I need to feel the raw pain of loss because when I do Mike becomes real to me again. I want him to be real to me.
Ashley Hales wrote for ibelieve.com tips that she’s picked up from previous Mother’s Day:
1. God Uses the Language of Mothering
Many passages in scripture show the tenderness of God as a mother. As Lauren Winner writes in Wearing God, God borrows the image of laboring mother to describe his desire to birth his people (Isaiah 42:14). Elsewhere God is described as a comforting mother: “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you; you shall be comforted…” (Isaiah 66:13). Jesus also uses the picture of a mother hen wanting to gather children under her wings (Matthew 23:37).
2. Pray for Your Own Spiritual Mothers
Pray for spiritual mothers to mentor you, disciple you, keep you accountable, give you wisdom, and a helping hand. If God is like a mother hen who longs to comfort you, then he often will do that through his people, the church. Be brave and ask someone to help fulfill a mothering role in your life. You never know how that relationship could grow and be a gift to the other person on the other end of that relationship!
3. Find People to Mother
We can’t simply be takers in God’s kingdom; it is by giving that we find ourselves and find God. God always calls us to love God and love others. Be on the lookout for younger women in your church and your neighborhood who could use a bit of your time. It needn’t look like a formal mentoring relationship necessarily: you could even take a younger college student out for a cup of coffee and practice listening. You could offer to help out a mom in your neighborhood when she needs to go to the doctor. You could get a group of older women together to look for practical ways of investing in younger women. You could offer your passions, gifts, expertise and time to women who are desperate to be mothered and comforted.
Not everyone celebrates joyously on Mother’s Day. We hope and pray these words help those who are hurting find a little peace this weekend.
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