As many men and women descend on Washington D.C. this Friday, Jan. 27 to participate in the Mach for Life, author and blogger Sarah Mae shares her abortion story and motivation to partake in this day long march.
In a tweet shared earlier today from Mae’s Twitter account, she said: “I march for my 16-year-old self and others like her” before sharing her abortion story, which happened nineteen years ago.
— Sarah Mae (@sarahmae) January 27, 2017
Her personal blog post dives deep into her experience and journey out of the darkness created by getting an abortion as a young teenager.
One that was hidden for years because Mae came from a prominent family and the hospital did the procedure under a false name.
She said in the first few lines of the blog:
I was given a new name and then I was drugged. I didn’t like the IV. My dad held my hand but I started to get really fidgety. They upped my drug dosage and wheeled me away. I was so cold, so they gave me a blanket. I counted backwards from 100…99…98…
The end of my first baby’s life.
Mae also shares that she asked her baby for forgiveness the night before she had the abortion, saying, “I asked the baby to forgive me.”
As the reflective essay progresses, Mae explains that her entry into the doctor’s office that day was not her choice, it was actually her family that said this was her solution to her three month pregnancy. Ones that she says “were probably the three hardest months of my life. I was very sick. I felt very along, and I was being torn in directions I wasn’t prepared for.”
You know, “Everyone had a solution to my ‘problem’ but no one wanted to hear mine. I wanted to keep the baby…at first. I figured I could get married and start a family. After talking with others and them telling me how I would miss such important things if I had a baby, like prom, I thought it would be better if I gave the baby to someone who couldn’t have children.”
But years later, Mae was left haunted by the abortion and only found solace after praying for healing. A request to God that led her to a local counselor at a crisis pregnancy center two blocks from her apartment as a young adult.
This woman, according to the post, helped Mae find emotional freedom and forgiveness by surrounding her with love and God’s grace.
It also allowed Mae to “hug women” again. Something that was difficult since the day of her abortion.
“Part of my pain included a mistrust of women and if one tried to hug me, even a friend, I got stiff. I was so walled up.”
“Now, if you ever meet me, please give me a great big hug and I will melt. I am also able to watch pro-life commercials and not leave the room. I can smile when I see little children instead of tear up. I can fully embrace my own children, knowing that it’s okay to enjoy them, God isn’t going to punish me for my sin of abortion – Jesus Christ already took that punishment for me on the cross. I am free. You know what else? I can tell my story. I am covered in grace and protection…I am loved and forgiven. The shame I once carried lies at the foot of the cross; Satan has no power over me. God is the only one who has the authority to tell me who I am…and I am His.”
Becoming a vocal follower of Christ has also given her permission to love her children and let go of her past decision and feelings of loneliness.
As of now:
I can fully embrace my own children, knowing that it’s okay to enjoy them, God isn’t going to punish me for my sin of abortion – Jesus Christ already took that punishment for me on the cross. I am free.
Feature photograph taken from Sarah Mae blog.
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