A pastor has revealed that he once secretly struggled with porn, writing in a recent blog post that the difficult battle to overcome his addiction weighed heavily on his heart and mind.
“I can clearly remember the crushing weight of carrying my secret porn addiction onto the church stage each week,” preacher Tim Swanson wrote on the XXX Church website. “It felt like a million pounds on my chest. At times I wondered whether or not a person could die from stress. If so, I certainly felt like a candidate.”
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Unfortunately, Swanson said that his struggles only intensified as he tried desperate attempts to pray, seek accountability in others and dissuade himself from looking at smut. It took 12 years before the pastor was finally free from his addiction.
“I finally found a sponsor, a support group, and, eventually, my sobriety,” he wrote. “Since then I’ve not only learned how to break the bonds of addiction in my life, I’ve also learned a lot about what I did that kept me living out destructive patterns over and over again.”
Swanson went on to share the three struggles and perspectives that he believes initially kept him from overcoming his porn addiction: chronic pride, a messed up view of God and the fact that the sin hasn’t yet forced him to hit rock bottom.
“It was pride that drove me to say things like, ‘If I could just…’ or ‘All I need to do is…'” Swanson wrote. “But the truth is, I was powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing. And my life had become unmanageable. (If those last two sentences sound familiar, it’s because they’re two of the twelve steps in recovery.)”
Swanson said that he had to overcome shame, saying that he initially failed to embrace the belief that God wanted to help him.
While he prayed to be delivered from his affliction, his ongoing struggle made him assume God was done with him; he had to learn to break away from that shame-fueled mindset.
In the end, the pastor said it’s essential for people to hit rock bottom before they take the necessary steps to get better. Read Swanson’s complete advice on overcoming porn addiction here.
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