“I was just going to kill myself … I had planned it all out.” This haunting admission came during the most recent episode of Missy Robertson’s “The Overcomers” podcast.
A Louisiana woman named Kishi shared, in detail, her journey from drugs and desperation to faith and recovery, telling Robertson about how she nearly ended her life before finding Jesus.
Kishi, who had struggled with substance abuse and was busted for selling drugs, was at her whits end. After her arraignment, she planned to head to a specific location and follow through with her suicide.
Then, something unexpected happened.
“They put me in jail on my arraignment date and that was only because of God,” she said, noting that most people are let out on that date until a sentencing hearing can be held later on. “God saved me from myself that day.”
After going away to jail, Kishi entered a recovery program, where she said she accepted Jesus and learned about the Bible. Soon, she was making the decision to change her life rather than end it.
In explaining her circumstances leading up to her arrest, Kishi went back to her childhood, explaining how a “lack of love” can cause a plethora of problems in children’s lives.
“When I was young I was raised by my grandparents,” she said. “My mom was an addict and so was my father. I never knew my father.”
Kishi said that her circumstances made her feel like there was something wrong with her.
“The lack of love in my life caused me to go for the first guy who showed me affection,” she said, explaining that he was a violent alcoholic.
Then, when that relationship ended, she was with another man for the next decade who she said beat her almost every day. She stayed with him for a decade — a time during which she said he introduced her to methamphetamine.
“That relationship ended with him trying to kill me in front of my kid,” she said. “He introduced me to meth and it was like the answer to my misery. I didn’t care if I was miserable anymore; it made me okay.”
Kishi started using drugs at age 30 and continued for about 10 years. Then, she transitioned into selling and her life became even more dangerous, as she joined an association, or gang, and was threatened and intimidated by its leaders.
“When I decided that I wanted out they wouln’t let me out and they said the only way that I was getting out was in a body bag,” she said.
Then, she shared the disturbing story about what happened when one of her peers in the group defied leaders’ orders.
“We all went out … in the middle of nowhere and they stood him up and took his blindfold off and the guy walked up and shot him in the head,” she said. “We …were made to watch so we would know if we did anything like that — that that’s what would happen to us.”
Kishi, who is now a Christian and who works for “Duck Dynasty” star Missy Robertson’s jewelry company Laminin, appeared on the most recent episode of “The Overcomers” podcast, where she shared her harrowing journey.