Comedian John Crist is incredibly astute at picking up on some of the more humorous quirks of American evangelicalism and poking fun at them — all in good faith, of course.
In his latest video, Crist hosts a “Celebrity Pastor Fantasy Draft” in which he and a few friends are tasked with choosing a dream team of megachurch leaders. Based on an individual’s Twitter following, lucrative tithe numbers and skyrocketing books sales, each player must select a team made up of the most successful and famed men and women of faith.
In short, the video is absolutely hilarious:
Crist informs the guys that they will be engaging in a “PPR League” — Pastor Performance Rating.
“Basically, take the number of their congregation divided by their number of satellite campuses,” the comedian explains. “Take the number of times you see them on TV every week, multiply that by the number of New York Times bestsellers. Divide that by the number of minutes their sermon goes over each week.”
And the team names?
Andrew: “The non-denomination domination.”
Aaron: “Show me the tithe money.”
John: “First and 10 percent.”
Trip: “Take a knee.”
“Dude, take a knee?!” Crist snaps back. “C’mon.”
“For prayer, not the anthem,” Trip replies.
The players commence their picks. First up, Houston megachurch leader, Joel Osteen.
“Osteen? Solid pick,” Crist says. “This guy’s got books in airports, preaches to a huge congregation every week. Great looking man, beautiful wife.”
Next up? “Steven Furtick.”
“Furtick? Highest applause break per sermon of every white pastor in the league,” Crist notes.
After a few more quick-fire picks, including John Gray and Beth Moore, the players are invited to choose “their favorite quality from three favorite pastors to create a super pastor.”
Andrew: “I’ll take Joyce Meyer’s TV numbers and Judah Smith’s fashion decisions.”
Aaron: “I’m gonna with a ‘purpose driven’ pick: Rick Warren’s book sales, Brian Houston’s accent and Tim Tebow’s body.”
“Tim Tebow is not a pastor,” Crist responds.
“He is to me,” his friend replies. “I saw him at Catalyst last year and, you know what, it wrecked me.”
And as for Crist himself?
“I’m gonna go with Tim Keller’s theology and the cell phone contacts of Carl Lentz.”