Recently, James and I shared on social media that we are expecting our third child. To say we are excited would be an understatement. Like many couples, we went through a season of waiting while we tried to conceive and the last two years really molded and shaped my heart in many ways.
If you would have asked me nine years ago what my plans were for my family I would have told you that James and I were going to wait five years to start having children but once we started I would have them all close in age and be done when I was 30. It was the perfect plan that I thought would be possible since James and I married young.
Just like our plan, five years into our marriage we had our first biological child, Chase. When James and I started trying, we got pregnant the very first month. It was equally a shock as it was a blessing. Everything was easy and honestly perfect. When I think back on that season of my life it was a season full of joy and I am so thankful for it.
The years following Chase’s birth was full from our process of adopting Manny and moving across the country. So when the time came to start trying again Chase was already two and we, naively, thought we would get pregnant just as fast as the first time.
We tried, with no success, for six months and it felt like an eternity. I would take a test every month and cry every time it came back negative. The waiting just wasn’t fitting into my plan.
Then, one evening James asked me to stop taking tests, to trust God’s timing and His plan for our family.
The next day, I was in the living room listening to worship music while Chase napped. I talked with God about wanting another child and asked Him how long I was going to have to wait. I remembered what James asked me to do and in that prayer, I decided to release my desires and plans to God and actually trust Him.
The next year and a half were spent waiting. No tests; no worrying; no “life plan” to follow; just waiting on the Lord and His timing. I would go months without thinking about it while I worked hard on the other things the Lord had me doing. My desire for a child never went away, but I learned what it really meant to wait on the Lord.
Here are some lessons that I learned:
1. Toss Your Plan Out The Window
Having plans isn’t a bad thing. But relying on them so much that your joy is stolen when it doesn’t work is. I never planned on adopting a child 10 years older than Chase or for Chase to be 4 when our next child arrives.
But now I look at my original “plan” and just laugh. Honestly, who cares about a silly age gap. The small stuff we care about and “plan” for can be so fruitless and meaningless.
While I learned to toss my plan out the window, I simultaneously held on to Christ knowing His plan for my life would be greater. Even if I don’t see it or understand it – God’s word says His plans are for my good and that is good enough.
Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
2. To Just Wait
My life didn’t have to pause because I was in a season of waiting. There were things God wanted to do in my heart and in my life and if I had been impatient and selfish with it, I would have missed it all. I put my head down and focused on what was in front of me: Working hard and not stressing about an unfulfilled desire in my heart. I didn’t allow my heart to grow weary, instead, I thanked God every day for growing a baby in my womb in my prayers and then moved forward with the day.
Isaiah 40:31 says, “But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.”
3. Allow Moments Of Raw Emotions
I had to learn to allow myself to have moments of sadness and frustration and to not be too hard on myself when they occurred. I had to make sure that those moments stayed moments and didn’t bleed into my week or month. If I let that happen, I would live a life I in anxiousness and not patience. I would take time to read scripture, listen to worship music, or talk with James. I would share my frustrations or fears and never leave a conversation without concluding in prayer.
Philippians 4:6-7 says, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
4. Welcome Transparency
For a while, I didn’t share with anyone that we were trying. If someone asked what our plans were I would say something general and move the conversation along.
After accepting that this was going to take way longer than I would have preferred, I was afraid of sharing. I felt if I spoke it that it would officially become a “thing.” I didn’t want others labeling my journey as one of infertility when I knew in my heart it was a journey of God’s timing.
I came up with every excuse to hold it in until one evening I felt the Holy Spirit’s leading me to share. I wrestled with the idea and felt the Lord speak to my heart and say that because I’m choosing to hold onto this, that I’m withholding all the glory that belongs to Christ. So, I opened up and shared with you, my readers, and in my everyday life. I decided that I would share my season of waiting so that when the day of waiting ends Christ can receive all the glory that He so deserves.
John 14:13 says, “Whatever you ask in My name, that will I do, so that the Father may be glorified in the Son.
Are you in a season of waiting for a child, spouse, career, or dream? Your life doesn’t have to be on pause while you wait. Your perfect plans may not align with the even better plans Christ has for you and it’s ok to be frustrated about it and to feel sad. But can I encourage you that while you welcome those human emotions to also welcome Christ at the same time. Don’t blame Him or ignore Him here. Scripture tells us over and over that He is with those who are broken hearted. Lean into Him while you have your hard moments and this will keep your faith strong.
I encourage you to share, with discernment, your journey with others so that they may too be encouraged by your faith and your season of waiting. They will find comfort in your words and your journey and will be waiting right along with you. Their words of familiarity will bring deep comfort to your heart.
You don’t have to wait in anguish or frustration. You can give God the desires of your heart while you live joyfully and with purpose. There are things in this season that God wants to do inside of you and when your season of waiting ends- what happens inside of you will remain.
Heather Margiotta is a Christian Wife and Mother who has a love for relationships, adoption, spiritual growth, and helping others through grief. Heather’s life motto is “To love the life you live, by seeing the good between the chaos.” You can find her blog here and her Facebook here.