Ex-porn star Brittni De La Mora is now on a mission to spread the Gospel and point people toward truth. She recently posed a poignant question: “Is it OK to watch porn when you’re married?”
De La Mora and her husband, Richard, often tackle tough questions surrounding sex, marriage, and relationships, venturing into queries like this on their popular podcast, “Let’s Talk Purity.”
Brittni said this question about porn and marriage is one the couple is asked frequently, with some pondering whether pornography is a feasible alternative to adultery. Before getting into that question, though, Richard said it’s necessary to back up and look at porn itself.
“Let’s first talk about porn,” he said. “Is it just OK in general to watch pornography?”
Richard and Brittni proceeded to dismantle the argument porn is harmless and doesn’t hurt anyone — views expressed by some proponents and others who seek to dismiss any dangers.
Brittni, who was an adult film star for seven years and knows the horrors and travesties raging within the industry, offered a candid and blatant rebuke of porn consumption.
“No, it’s not OK to watch porn,” she said. “Just because something’s available to you doesn’t mean you should utilize it.”
Hear Brittni and Richard explain:
Brittni continued, “Porn is … a gateway. It triggers in your brain … the same dopamine receptors as cocaine. So, it’s been proven to be addictive.”
She said porn can become a fixation and a drug of sorts, drawing people deeper and deeper into the abyss and harming them along the way. Brittni said a realization this content is deeply damaging to souls, families, and marriages can open people’s eyes enough to empower them to “stop watching it.”
Beyond that, Richard said there’s another factor at play: the dehumanization of God’s creation.
“When you watch porn … you’re objectifying a woman, or you’re objectifying a man,” he said, noting these images, over time, can distort people’s minds and have them diminishing the real-life people they encounter. “Now, you’re in taking these images, and these images now are creating false fantasies, especially in your marriage, false fantasies just in general.”
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In addition to these topics, they hit on the fact porn creates isolation and can lead to erectile dysfunction amid other personal woes.
“It not only affects your soul, but it also affects your body,” Richard said.
After establishing all of the problems porn can create, the couple then turned back to the initial question: is watching porn in marriage permissible? Brittni turned to Scripture to make her appeal.
“Jesus says that, if you look at another woman lustfully, you’ve already committed adultery,” she said. “God’s looking first at your heart, and so if you are willing to go and look at another person in the most intimate act … you’re already committing adultery because you’re doing it in your heart.”
Couples facing struggles won’t find fulfillment in porn because porn itself is harmful, and there’s typically a root issue that needs to be addressed to find healing or get back on track, the couple argued.
Rather than turning to porn when troubles hit, or sex isn’t happening, they said married couples must communicate. Richard argued “intimacy starts outside of the bedroom” and must begin with good conversations that get to the heart of the problem.
“We need strong friendships within our marriage,” Brittni said. “You both feel heard, you feel validated, you feel loved, you feel accepted — and that overflows.”
Richard concluded the conversation with a simple proclamation for singles and couples alike: “There’s never a good time to watch porn.”
“Don’t let the enemy punk you,” he said. “‘Oh, but this is going to spice up my marriage,’ or, ‘Oh, it’s better.’ No, that’s the lies of the enemy. Everything that the enemy sends you is a lie.”
Listen to more episodes of “Let’s Talk Purity.”
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